Whiny Waitress

I realize that this post is quite a contradiction.  I’m posting in a blog called whinywaitress and telling servers to quit complaining.  …riiiighht.  

What I mean is, well, this job sucks.  So  you’re allowed to do your fair share of complaining.  It should happen in the back side station as you burst through the door. Fair complaints sound something like this:

• “Oh my GODDDD, I hate people!” - my personal favorite
• “This guy is on his FIFTH coke!  It’s a wonder American obesity is on the rise.”
• “If that mother doesn’t make her kids sit down, I swear I’m going to step on their little hands and I’m going to laugh about it.”
• “MAKING LEMONADE AT THE TABLE, HUH?  ORIGINAL.
• “I haven’t had a table in an HOUR.  I hate when it’s slow.  I wish they’d just send me home.”
• “I AM IN THE WEEDS.  AUGHGHGHGHGHHHHH!”

Short burst complaints are totally acceptable and should be used often.  I’m a firm believer that if you hold them inside you’re apt to flip your shit on the next guest that asks for ketchup for their well done steak, so go ahead and let them loose while you’re away from guests and managers.

HOWEVER.  You signed up for a job where you make straight commission and it’s not always going to be “fair”.  And so, there are complaining DON’TS:

• Do NOT go bitch out the seater for giving you a table with two adults and four children.  Parents with four children need to eat too. 
• On a slow night, do NOT complain about how many tables you’ve had.  Guess what?  If you’ve only had 3 tables, odds are everyone else has had close to the same.  If everyone else has a full section and you’ve got nothing, let a manager know and hopefully they can fix it.
• Do NOT complain about another server to other servers.  Sometimes people  make mistakes.  Sometimes they can’t keep up on running side work because they’re DYING in the weeds.  So don’t bitch about them - out loud anyway. That’s not fair.  We’re all in this together, right?  And honestly, you could go find them and tell them they need to scoop ice because we’re out, or you could save yourself some time and just DO IT.  It doesn’t help anyone when there’s discord among the waitstaff.

Guys, this job blows for skittles most of the time.  But at the end of the day, you’re making a hell of a lot more than minimum wage for wayyyy less time invested than your friends who hawk coffee at Starbucks.  Let out those short burst complaints and move on lest you have an aneurysm in the dining room, and keep the bitchiness quiet lest you get shanked by a co-worker in the parking lot. Don’t be a bad seed.